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A ruined success!

August 22, 2012

Last night when i got home, after kissing me passionately, Her Grace ordered me to go run Her bath and to “prepare for a caning”.  i was positively giddy!  To get an order like that less than 5 minutes in the door was not unprecedented, but certainly out of the ordinary.

Being the best subby i could be, i pranced back to the bedroom, began Her bath and quickly picked up the bathroom floor, cleaned the counters and straightened up as much as possible in there.  DG loves for the bathroom to be in order when She relaxes in Her bath.  Having the room in disarray unsettles the peace that the bath is meant to instill.  Then, i quickly turned to the bedroom.  i picked up all the clothes, got everything neat and orderly, made the bed and then pulled back the comforter.  She doesn’t like the chance of anything staining the comforter, so it’s good when i remember to pull that back.

Internally, i was positively buzzing at the high i got from Her command on entering the doorway.  It set my nerves abuzz, and made everything just seem that much better. i had a wet dream 98 days ago, and had only two quasi-successful milkings since then, so my “love hormone” levels are at an all-time high.  Her Grace’s tiny “chest penises”, as She likes to call the nipples on Her subby’s chest, were at full-mast.  Her little boy clit was straining mightily at the hard plastic cage that is on it 24/7.  Her Grace’s full, aching balls throbbed and pulsed.  

As i went to grab the cane, i also saw a hair brush that i had brought back to the bedroom in hopes of the DG choosing to discipline an errant subby from time to time that had never quiet gotten to be used.  So, i set that right next to the Delrin cane on the bed.  My heart was pounding, threatening to leap out of my chest.  i was so excited i could hardly think straight. 

Next, i slipped into a pair of plum stretch lace thong panties.  Pulling the cloth up between my asscheeks was one of the few remaining pleasures i guiltily took for myself.  i then pulled a see-through nighty in the same color over my head and took the basket of clothes that i had collected to the laundry. Once deposited, i coyly approached the den to let Her Grace know that i had prepared Her bath and the cane, as commanded.

Her eyes lit up, and in a brief second, it dawned on me why.  Our older daughter has moved back in with us, severely limiting the amount of household playtime we are able to perform.  She was fortunately not home, as she spends the vast majority of the time at her girlfriends house.  However, Her Grace was not pleased that i had neglected to remember that. She scowled at me and told me to go wait for Her in the bedroom.

i did as instructed, cursing myself for putting my own needs ahead of Her Grace’s and the family’s.  She was annoyed by my gaff, but not angry.  While i waiting in the room, i began picking up smaller messes around the room, straightening and primping as i went.  After several minutes, Her Grace came back to the bedroom, and look around, noticeably impressed.  i was so proud, i was beaming.  She smiled and told me that She was happy that i had chosen to do this of my own initiative, and went on to the bathroom for Her bath.  She was even more joyous about the state of the bathroom and again praised me.  Her praise lifts me higher than any boy-gasm ever could.  Once in the bath, She commanded me to go get the keys from Her keyring.  i hurried out of the room and returned moments later.  She unlocked the little Louis Vuitton lock holding Her boy-clit in and had me remove the cage. 

Another error i had made was to run Her bath WAY too hot.  She had to run cold water for at least five minutes for Her to be able to withstand the temperature.  She is way better able to tolerate the heat than i am.  So, when She exited the bath, She commanded me to immediately submerse myself in the still-very hot bath.  It burned at first, and was quite painful to me.  She laughed and told me to get cleaned up, perfunctorily reminding me to “be good”.  i cleaned up quickly and joined Her in the bedroom, completely nude. She wore a gorgeous pink silk robe with lace across the upper chest.  With Her red hair in tight ringlets, She was so beautiful that i would have been content to just stare at Her for the rest of the evening. However, She had plans!

She laid me over Her lap and gave me fifteen very hard swats with the hairbrush.  Much harder than a warm-up spanking!  She verbally teased me and made me count and thank Her for each one.  The over-the-knee format is fairly new for both of us, but it’s so intimate and wonderful, that i’m sure it will become a regular thing.  She switched to the cane at 15 and proceeded to deliver 10 medium strikes.  They stung, but the hair brush had actually hurt more.  i think She is still learning just how much force between a light sting and seriously breaking the skin.  i may try to get Her to order a lighter rattan cane so She can have an easier time mastering the skills. After all, it’s in my best interest to be disciplined as harshly as She desires and still manage to be of service to Her.

After the spankings, She had me stand in front of Her and She stroked Her boy-clit and Her balls and verbally chided me for the small size of it.  She teased me and caressed me and soon, i Her little boy-clit was getting firm and bigger in Her hand.  She chose to suck on Her cock.  At first, this has alarmed me.  i felt that Her sucking on (what was formerly my) cock was a submissive act.  However, over time, i have come to realize the power and control She feels to have it grow and pulse and to bring Her subby to the edge.  In my head, it is now a supremely submissive act for me to be on the receiving end of it. While pondering all of this, i began to get close to the point of no return.  i had been warned ahead of time that i would ONLY be allow a ruined orgasm. i told Her i was close, and She took it out of Her mouth and told me “You have permission for a ruined one.”  That was very important for Her to talk to me.  The verbal praising and humiliation, the talking, gets me hotter than any physical act.  As i calmed down, She began praising me and telling me what a good subby i had become. That alone started me toward the edge once more.  She stroked and pulling, and rubbed the head against Her breasts.  

When She ordered me to play with my nipples, i played, and get quickly to the edge again.  Only to back off once more.  She stroked, and talked to me, and mentioned how i didn’t even have a boy-clit.  It belonged to Her, and that it would never have a boy-gasm again.  That pushed me closer.  The edge, seemingly moving farther after each approach.  She stroked quickly. i thrust into Her hand, urgently getting closer, until i could feel the pressure rising.  i consciously relaxed the PC muscle, willing it not to contract, not to push over into the dreaded boy-gasm.  Instead, i relaxed, like going pee, and just let whatever happened happen.  i could feel a little drip travel the length of the shaft. There was no sensation of release, only the “flowing” of the juice.  i thought i had given forth about two or three drops.  She stopped me and let me no that, no i had relaxed a decent sized load into Her waiting hands.  She brought Her sticky hands to my face, and like a dog that hadn’t been fed in weeks, i devoured the emissions.  i licked and sucked and wanted to clean every drop for Her.  

Once i had cleaned Her hands, and She pulled then from me, i begged Her to cane Her balls.  Once She found the sweet spot, She beat on Her now partially drained balls, to me pleading for Her to hit them harder.  She really was going at it, almost afraid She was going to harm me.  The pain mixed with aching desire and pushed me into a subspace that i had a hard time telling if it lasted five seconds or five hours.  i suspect deeply it was the latter.  

Overall, the experience was a smashing success! i am overjoyed by the thought that i can remain forever chaste and without the prickiness that follows boy-gasms.  

The Devil Wears Prada

August 8, 2012

Saw this movie again this weekend for the first time since engaging in a full-time FLR.  Meryl Streep’s Miranda Priestly is the epitome of what a Dominant Woman should be. Ruthless, unapologetic, insistent on perfection.  I had forgotten just how well She played that character.  

There is a line where Anne Hathaway’s character is defending Miranda and saying that if She was a man, everyone would be fine with Her behavior.  I wish Women could behave that way and everyone would simple say “Bravo! She knows what She wants, and isn’t afraid to take it!”

Chastity Nirvana waning?

July 27, 2012

It had been 74 days since my last full orgasm and 33 days since my last milking. The reason this is significant is that this week, i have been on edge, emotional and an all around prick.

The high that seems to accompany the feeling of being chaste, of holding my pleasures back in order to focus more acutely on Her Grace’s, is falling off.  While last night, i worshipped Her Grace, and brought Her to two succulent orgasms, i didn’t feel the same full body tingling, rock your fucking world, mind altering sensation so much more than a boygasm that i usually feel. It felt amazing, don’t get me wrong, but the linkage, where Her orgasm actually get me off more than anything i ever shot out of my little boy clit was missing.

I have read of a Chastity Nirvana period that starts about a week after you’re last orgasm, and eventually gets to a point of diminishing returns. I have been being especially adherent to not self milking through this time, and i am noticing that approximately for weeks passed between the last time Her Grace attempted to milk me, and the time i started my sissy period.

Hopefully, Her Grace will drain all of the offending fluids this weekend, and i can get on with my happy, boygasm free life!

New attempt at daily posts

July 26, 2012

I’m going to try to post daily, just to check in and let the world know how things are going.

Today marks day two of consecutive “maintenance canings”. Her Grace has chosen to remind Her subby of his place each morning with five strokes of the Delrin cane. This is a wicked little beast and by the fifth, i dance and squirm like the little sissy that i am.

Tuesday night, i gave to Her an article to read about the Four Cornerstones of a Femdom Marriage, and She took it to heart. The discipline was something She felt was lacking.  That evening, i received a thorough spanking, over the knee, with the hawks head paddle, the tawse and then finally, the Delrin cane. i currently have a bruise about the size of a silver dollar on my right ass cheek.

Last night, Her Grace bought some incredibly beautiful heels “to smash Her balls” with. They are gorgeous, and She tried them on. However, i had not really talked with Her about my ball squashing fantasies, which involve placing the balls under the toys of the shoe and pressing down into the floor. She assumed that it involved pressing the heel into the nut sack as hard as possible. Perhaps after a warm up, that would be intense, but right out of the starting gate, that was way more than i could handle. i tried to let Her Grace know, but i guess my tone was off, our She was uncomfortable trying something new, but She shutdown immediately and things went South until this morning. i am hoping We can talk about it tonight.

Alive but Moody

July 25, 2012

So, overall, the FLR thing has been going tremendously well. However, the past two days, i’ve turned into a moody little prick! There was no release, and i’m in desperate need of a milling, but the Goddess has been gun shy from a few attempts that failed, and so its been a full thirty days since even a drop of cum has exited Her little boy clit… I’m very much suspecting that the moodiness and the lack of play are intimately linked.

One owned bitch

May 30, 2012

This past Memorial Day weekend, Her Grace showed me a level of attention that i have not seen in quite some time. It was such a welcome change of pace, as life has been getting in the way of our FLR so much lately.

Monday, i retired back to the bathroom to just do my normal “potty” and while surfing my phone, decided to write a blog post. That kind of got my subby engine revving, and thought that taking quick enema and running a bath for Her Grace would be a great prelude to some strapon sex.

Since i had not asked permission, and Her Grace thought i was just back there for pottying, i got a text asking what was taking so long. i told Her that Her bath was ready, to which She replied, “do you have the ice ready?” See previous post.

Gulp. Apparently, She had enjoyed tormenting Her subby and the tiny little cock he kept for Her. i had already laid out all the fear for a strapon season (Our first in over a year of FLR), but had not prepared the ice for Her bath.

When She came into the bedroom, and saw the harness laying on the bed, She angrily demand why the harness was out. Terrified, i stammered out, “well, You had wanted to use the strapon on Our trip, but We were too tired. i thought You might want to give it a try.” i stood there, really thinking i was in serious trouble.

After what seemed like an eternity, She smiled and said “That’s fine. We will see how I feel after my bath”.

During Her bath, She played with Her little dick, getting it hard. The warm, soapy water was like Heaven. Then, just as quickly as She had started, She said “Dip it.”

With much dread, but very little hesitation, i grabbed the bowl and brought it up to the aroused genitals. i had specifically gotten a clear glass mixing bowl this time so Her Grace could see.

She ordered me to remove the ice water. Immediately, She began fondling Her cock. Then, She ordered me to go get a rubber band. When i returned, i meekly handed Her the rubber band. She took it with little fanfare, and snapped the freezing little balls hanging before Her. While the cold numbed the initial sing on the snap, the force reverberated through the testicles, giving the distinct feeling of being kicked hard in the ‘nads. She delighted in the pain i was obviously experiencing. After about four good snaps, She ordered me once more into the frozen drink.

She had finished with Her bath, so i helped Her to dry off with a fluffy towel. Once dry, She strode confidently into the bedroom. She donned a fresh pair of sturdy panties and laid back on the bed. With a surprising surety, She told me to put the dildo into the harness. The dildo in question is about an inch longer than Her Grace’s boy clit (the penis attached to my body). i slipped the fake cock through the ring at the base of the harness and helped Her into it. There is something decidedly humiliating about fitting your Wife with a strapon so She can roughly fuck your Her owned ass with it.

Secretly, i wished that She would push me hard down to my knees and command me to beg Her to suck it. Then, while i tentatively lubed the shaft with my spit and pushed it inside a far as it would comfortably go, She would roughly grab my head, and force the shaft deep into my throat. Wishing for Her to fuck my face, use me and humiliate me. Keep me off balance, not knowing what was coming next. That She would force that cock so far into me that i no longer had a choice about breathing, and Her power was all that i needed.

Then, while i choked and gasped, She would push me onto the bed, forcing me onto all fours. Then start telling me to beg Her for it. And if She found my begging convincing enough, She would use lube! Then, She would line up, and thrust into my waiting ass.

Maybe next time. This time, She spread lube all around the outside of my wanton little hole, and all over the shaft. She lined up and began a steady pressure. We had to stop and relube a few times to get things just right. She finally thrust in, nice and deep. The feeling of fullness was incredible. It hurt a little, getting used to it, but i welcomed the hurt in service to Her Grace.

She picked up the pace a bit, and i began thrusting back to meet Her invasion. Then She shocked the hell out if me! She said, “You’re my bitch!”. i thought i had died and gone to heaven! This is the one thing She has been so amazingly hesitant to do, talk dirty to me. She doesn’t seem to understand that i need it as much as i need Her to deny my orgasms! It completes the fantasy for me. She seemed to thrust even harder as She got more into it.

She reached around to check on Her boy clit, and it was recessed back into my body. It was literally smaller than my own thumb. This was truly being owned and humiliated and i have never been more turned on in my life!

She continued to fuck me like Her little bitch, and i continued to Love it! Finally, she grew tired, and chose to stop. She withdrew, took off the harness and ordered me to clean up. i have never felt so used, submissive and happy in my life.

Fire and ice

May 29, 2012

With a little help, Her Grace has discovered a wonderful new way to tease Her subby. While She luxuriates in the tub filled with bubbles, Her subby fetches a bowl filled with ice, water and some salt. The salt lowers the melting point of the ice to around 29° F.

As i stand next to the tub, She unlocks the cage and pulls Her penis out and plays with it. The warm water and Her soft hands quickly cause Her small, flaccid penis to grow and swell. The feeling is so exquisite that i begin to lose my balance and have to catch my balance. She instructs me to play with my nipples while She continues to manipulate the penis that belongs solely to Her. When i begin to feel like i might cum, She senses it and removes Her hands. The words i dread are spoken, “Dip it.” There isn’t a hint of leeway in Her voice.

i immediately pick up the bowl, and submerge as much of the hard penis into the ice water as i can without spilling over the edge of the bowl. The ice bites hard into my skin, and Her balls are screaming in sweet pain as they shrink up  against my groin. As cold and biting as the ice is, Her penis remains hard.

She orders me to remove Her cock from the water and resumes manipulating Her penis. i moan, and enjoy Her warm hands once more. Knowing that She is completely in control, my reactions betray me as Her penis continues to get even harder. Despite trying to control my reactions, the way She is so confident in controlling the situation turns me on more than any touch ever could.

Once She can tell i am again at the height of arousal, She orders once more, “Dip it.” i do not hesitate. The shocking cold does nothing to abate the erection.  She seems to enjoy the humiliation of me holding a big bowl of ice water, freezing Her erection back into the tiny little pee pee it normally is. Unfortunately, as She nonchalantly continues Her bath, the quiet confidence of it sets my libido into overdrive. After what seems like hours, but was really probably less that three minutes, She gets out of the very hot tub and orders me to get into it. i place the bowl next to the tub and sink into the burning hot water. The contrast of temperatures causes such and overload of sensation that it sends me nearly to subspace. Then, She dumps the ice water onto my chest, the ice is like fire, burning my nipples.

The feelings of love and submission for Her Grace were so  overwhelming i nearly began weeping.

i am such a lucky subby.